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A Dad's Journey pt 2

A day of reckoning was in the midst when I received the phone call from my wife. Here in a time of rejoicing and celebrating our Saviors birth there also came a time of great tragedy. Now, let me back up just a minute, because there were two phone calls. She had called me earlier that morning concerned for our daughter. I told her that if you are worried to go to the hospital. She took the older two kids to her grandparents and left. After arriving there she was taken into the ultrasound tech for a non stress test and observation. Immediately the technician noticed that there was no heart beat. The tech got up and returned right away with a doctor. My wife’s heart torn in half with the worst fear coming to truth. The baby was gone. Now that leads to the second phone call. I thought it was time. Time to leave work and be on my way to the hospital to start the laboring. Instead she gently says, “ Chase, she’s gone. The baby is gone.” Immediately I told her I’m on my way that I’ll be right there. As I got off the phone with her I hit my knees with a high pitch scream of “No!!!” Instantly in tears I rushed to my truck. I drive a F-350 four door long bed. Big and bossy. I drove that truck like never before. As if I was in a race to get a nuke bomb out of the city. Dodging and swerving in between cars on the freeway. It felt as if I was driving a Honda Civic. As I whipped down the 405 I was in nothing but tears. Crying out to God, “ No, no, no this can’t be.” Questions running through my head, “How could this happen we only had three days until our due date? We should be having a baby. God please give her breath again. Don’t take my baby from me. Oh, Lord this can't be true?”

As I arrived at the hospital I parked as soon as I could. Basically in a jog at that point trying to listen to my wife to figure out where she was. I can remember the day so vividly. Blue skies not too hot but not too cool. We had just had a Thanksgiving heatwave. So it was cooling off a bit. Slight breeze blowing, people all in a hustle and bustle just like any hospital. Coming around the corner to the front of the building I remember looking at the plants in the planter and thinking where is she. Some people getting in their cars at the round about. Finally, there she is. Running up to her like I just got back from war I wrapped her up in my arms. Both of us in tears in silence. After a moment the HR rep took us inside so that we could be fully admitted to the hospital. As we sat there waiting for our room we could barely talk. Just the basic, “Tell me it’s going to be ok.” What do you tell one another? The one thing I new I had to do was call my mom. So when Maxine went to the bathroom I gave mom a ring. She instantly picked up the phone questioning, “Do we have a baby?” I’ll never forget telling my mom, “Nope, mom there is no baby. She’s gone mom.” Overwhelmed with emotions she responded with “Oh, Chase no, oh no.” Now knowing my mom and knowing that she’s battling pancreatic cancer. The only thought that I can imagine a grammy having is "why not me God, why not me instead?". We sat on the phone for a minute trying to comfort one another. I asked her to let my sister know and to be praying for us. The darkest moment of my life had just hit, but there was only one place to turn.

As we got settled into our room we made some arrangements for the other two children. When her mom got there to get the car I called my brother, but got his voicemail so told him to call me back. Emailed my boss and told him I wouldn’t be in for a bit. Just started to go through the motions of settling in so that I could focus on being there for Maxine. Getting back into the hospital room we talked a few things over with her mom and got back to just her and I. The doctor and nurses gave us some time to prepare as we had to do regular delivery. Once she was all hooked up and in a hospital gown they started pumping her with drugs to relax and start softening the cervix so that they could induce her. I remember Maxine just wanting to survive. Allowing the nurses to medicate her for that survival I sat there and watched my wife with a breaking heart in disbelief. Torn and beaten down, broken to a point that you feel is no return. We continued through the day for a while just crying, praying and holding one another. I've had to reassure my wife over somethings in life before, but nothing like this. How do you tell your wife that everything is going to be ok when on the inside you both are crumbling? As time passed the cervix medicine wasn't working, but I knew the whole time what was needed, Castor Oil. Yes, it works whether with a living baby or one already in heaven. So, I went to CVS to get the good stuff. By that time my sister in-laws had come to comfort and make sure we were hanging in there. It was to be a long night ahead of us. As I was going to and from CVS I was overwhelmed with a strength from the Holy Spirit that I had never felt before and I'll tell you right now if it wasn't for that strength I would've never been able to get through any of this. Once back at the hospital she waited a little bit before taking the castor oil, but once she did a few hours later we were in labor and soon would be saying hello and good-bye to our sweet little angel.

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