If I've ever seen heart break it was November 30th, 2017. A woman carries a baby on average for 280 days. Thats almost a whole year of sharing body, food, energy, immunity, and a lot more. It's also the time that is built already bonding with the baby. Something I would say that men don't quite understand, but also don't get to have. This is why it is so important for a man to be there to listen, try to understand, but also share what you're going through so that the mother doesn't feel alone. I would say this was one of the biggest things we had to work on is what I showed and didn't show. I would say that it has got easier over the last year to talk and express my feelings, but one reason of why it was hard to share is having the feeling that her emotions and feeling were more important and feeling like mine were pushed into a corner. Bottom line is be there for each other and don't be afraid to share.
Watching my wife's heart being wrenched out from her chest was one of the most painful things I've had to watch. The tears that were endless and the questions that I had no answers to. Wanting a miracle of a heart beat to start again. There isn't one drug that they can give a woman to make a difference. All they can do is numb the pain and help them through the inevitable. Be loving, caring and her rock. Don't be afraid to cry with her. Do whatever she needs and don't let her feel alone.
I found myself sometimes not knowing what to say so it would dumb down to something like "its going to be ok" or "God has a plan through this". Instead of just being honest and telling her "babe this is horrible and I'm broken" or "I'm so crushed right now I have no words that can explain what I'm feeling". I wish I would've said more things like the latter so that she could hear and see my hurt as well. Tears say a lot, but words express what those tears mean.
If there is one thing that I can do through writing on this blog is to not only empower men to face their feelings, but to also give a little light into what it might be like for the father's that go through this tragedy down the road. I want every father out there to understand that they are not alone and every grieving man that they are not alone either. That the perseverance that we all carry inside of us can get us through these storms of life. There is no bottle of whiskey or a roll of smoke that can get you through this. Find your strength so that you can get through your weakness. I find my strength in Yeshua the Messiah (Jesus Christ). I try to find it every morning before the rest of the family is awake. If I didn't have this not only would I have crumbled, but I feel that my family would've crumbled as well.
Your wife will have moments like riding a roller coaster and I'm not talking about some little thing from the fair. I'm talking about the kind at six flags that you'd never want to go on. Times will be tough, but you'll still find some times to reflect and heal. Times to talk and be honest about things that need to be brought up and talked about. I can remember one time when she wanted another item to put on the area where we keep items for Lenora and I was stupid enough to say "Really do you need something else?". This was definitely not the right thing to say nor would I ever say anything like that again. I don't care if she wants a whole room dedicated to our Lenora so be it.
Be slow to answer, slow to anger and slow to try to fix things. Men turn off our fixing mind and open up your hearts to allow the woman you married see your pain. When two are together through the healing process you always have someone to lean on. Love one another deeper than you've ever loved before and through it all don't let the thoughts of darkness destroy your house. Finally, pray and keep praying. Pray until you think you can't pray another day and then pray more. Let God know your heart for with this comes healing and remember there's nothing wrong with telling God that you're angry.