Updated: May 7, 2019
Over the last year we've been making and selling our candles. Most sales have come from our market shows that we do around the Southern California area. Doing these shows have been costly, but the pay off has been great. You see I'm not just doing this to make money. Money comes and money goes, but the affect that you have on peoples lives is the real pay off. I told my wife years ago that I want to be remembered for what I do in my community and for the people that live in the area. I've come to learn though that through the times of hardship in our lives we begin to build a bigger community. For me it's been a community that isn't afraid to talk and face their grief. Talking with people that just like me want to change the outlook on grief.
One thing that I can remember growing up is always living in a fear of someone dying. What I don't understand is why do we fear death? I'm not an expert by any means so I don't have the answer to that. What I can say is I want to understand this question, I want to change the perception of this question and I want to help people and myself be able to work through grief rather than fear what we have to face. To bring healing and the muscle memory par-say to be able to face the waves of grief as they come. To help people understand that pain is the love we have and tears are the laughs we can't have with them. Grief can hit you in so many ways at so many times. It can be long or it could be short. Moments or days. Grief doesn't just have to be about a Dad or Mom loosing a child. Grief can be about a mom, dad, spouse, sibling, best friend, or a close cousin. No matter what it is we must learn to find ways to deal with this grief in a healthful way.
For me lately it's been a book called Bearing the Unbearable by Joanne Cacciatore eating healthier and going trail bike riding some days to get out in the sun and have some reflecting time. There is just something about being away from the roads and busyness riding through the trees and open sky that helps you just slow your mind down and really take time to reflect on the people you love and work through the motions of grief.
One thing that we can't do though is have a fear of talking about it. We must have a person, group or professional that we can talk to and get support from. This is really big for me and one reason I started this blog. I want to give fathers and men the encouragement to feel comfortable about their grief and what they're feeling. There has to be a place for all of us to be able to have our moments. One of my favorite things that I tell my 5 year old son is that "real men cry". To never be afraid to shed a tear for the feelings we have. Men need to have a healthy outlet as well. There is a lot of support for women, some for men, but not enough for all of us.
We are emotional people with real feelings. We are not meant to hold our feelings back and not talk about them. Healthiness is for the whole body, not just the physical and not just the mental. We have to have full body healthiness. Cry when you need to cry, hug when you need to hug, speak when you need to speak and get out in the sun and exercise a little.