Why is it that people say anything at all? How many times have you heard something and you just think to yourself "Did they really just say that?". The fearfulness of having to face something as tragic as death has become such a ruling factor in today's society. How many people do you know or do you think you could ask if they fear death? I was just watching a show last night and it was a question what do you fear most and out of 4 people one answered "death". Why? People don't know how to deal with death. We are all stuck in a maze, sent through life being told to get over things and move on. Rather than being told to take our time and work through what we need to work through. Talk about it if you need to or even if it's a year from now I'm here for you and actually being there for someone. In my book this morning was a list of platitudes and I can honestly say that I've heard most of these from the time I lost my dad in 2012 to losing Lenora at the end of 2017 and then my mother in spring of 2018. May we who have grieved learn to be better than these:
"She/he is in a better place."
She/he isn't suffering anymore."
"Everything happens for a reason."
"It's time to move on, to move forward."
"It's not normal to feel that way."
"Grieving can easily become a mental disorder."
"Your (child, spouse, parent, grandchild, etc.) wouldn't want you to to be sad."
"I can't believe you are still feeling grief."
"Maybe you should get on some medication."
"Shouldn't you fell better by now?"
"It's not normal to hurt for this long."
"You can have other children."
"You have to forget this."
"Trust in God's plan."
"Just let go."
"God needed an angel to tend His garden."
"Try(this therapy, that technique) to help you heal."
"Don't think about it."
"Just think happy thoughts."
"Try to remember the good times."
"Don't think about the bad times."
"Just replace the hard memories with the good ones."
"You have to get back to life."
(Bearing the Unbearable pg. 129 and 130)
If you've heard any of these then you know the damage they do. Let us not walk in fear of facing grief, but rather embracing grief. Yesterday driving I thought about the movie "Inside Out" and the Spirit moved me. Pointing out that just as Joy and Sadness had to become one so does life with grief. Grief should be our best friend. Not so that we stay in constant pain, but as we build our muscle memory we are able to walk with grief in our journey through life. That when the waves hit we love, cry and laugh through the memories or thoughts, because just as there was sadness every time joy had a significant memory so there is joy every time sadness has a significant memory. Don't forget, always remember and know that grief is truly love.